The first thing Saturday Morning, I scanned the new emails for PCSDavid. And there amongst the rest, he was. Throughout the day, we had some fun…

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 PCSDavid wrote:

No shoes for you!

I replied:

ok, fine. I guess I will just have to find another sugar daddy to keep me in my clothes… 

Or something like that…

m

PCSDavid wrote:

Don’t blame me!  I didn’t make the cherry on top rule!

 I replied:

Rules are for breaking! Don’t you know that?

PCSDavid wrote:

You do make a compelling case.  Though, perhaps it would be best then to just steal the shoes.  If one is in a rule breaking mood and all.

I replied:

You’d do that for me?! Risk prison and all? For moi? Ooooh, baby…I am in love…

PCSDavid wrote::

Well I always did want to meet Martha Stewart…..

I replied:

And, she can probably show you how to make a double diped chocolate cherry with sugar and spice on top. Hey…this is sounding better all the time. You really CAN be a sugar daddy! Would you, Would you? Please, please, with sugar on top?

HuhUhh…Did not… the cherry was right there..But YOU seem to have a unusually strong attraction towards  cherries, which concerns me.

I say shoes…you say cherry…I say please,…you say cherry? You say Martha Stewart. You say cherry. See what I mean?

Perhaps I could help you find a qualified professional? This seems to be a problem…

m

PCSDavid wrote:

My gosh, you’re right!  It was right there all along.  I do need help!

I replied:

I could probably help you with that. I am a trained professional.

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And with that, it was over. No cherries, no shoes, but in a funny sort of way, some really good chocolate.

 And THAT was my introduction to Match.

I looked in my Match box the following afternoon. And there amongst the hundreds of other letters was David’s response.  

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PCSDavid wrote:

Truth be told, “what a smart girl you are” was a bit of a misinterpretation.  But I can see how you might think that.Let’s see, those are pretty complicated new questions.  I might need to consult my advisers; heck even the Bible.  But let me take a stab at them without the benefit of Divine guidance and see how it goes…

Actually, I think my intent with “paired down” was that I double the fluffiness of their down.  I shall make a clarification correction forthwith!  I thank you for your attention to the marginally significant things as they tend to escape my attention far too often.  I fear, however, I shall never approach the high bar of your so clearly written, immaculately spell and grammar checked profile.  Such is my Achilles Heal… er.. Hiel? 

Ah, Heel.

On the question of the afterlife: An agnostic probably does believe in an ever-after, he just doesn’t know which one.  An atheist may or may not depending on if he believes the universe is stable, will forever expand or will eventually contract.  In all cases, it’s a matter of faith.  Then again, any moment is technically ever after some other moment.  So it’s probably universally accepted so long as the arrow of time does not change its properties.But I should probably consult “Conversations with God, Book 1″ and see if the He has an opinion on the matter.  We have to make sure we always consult books written and published by man for the authoritative answers on the great questions of life the universe and everything.  I mean with out Donald Walsch, how would we know that there is no good, no evil, no right nor even wrong?  That even Hitler went to heaven; God Bless his tender soul.  But its okay, for his series of books clearly shows us that we are all gods, part of God and all collectively God anyway.  So, in my Walsch-given capacity as the All Mighty, I just have to say that the new spelling of “pared” is now “paired” and, lo, all is right with the world.  And I am pleased.  No flood to wipe out all the unborn children….. this time! The shoe thing is obvious:  You don’t get the shoes.  And, it’s not the price that was the issue.  It was because although you did, in fact, add sugar and spice on top, you forgot the cherry.  Quite unfortunate, but rules are rules.

  You must excuse me now, I have to attend to matters of state.  I mean steak.

  — David

ps. I cannot recall the fate of the lion.  Ultimately, it was the least of my adventures anyway. 

I replied:

I am laffing so hard. Well, I was laffing. Until you told me you wood not by me the shoos. Waaaahhhh! I wont the shoos. i cant go owt bearfut! OR WURSE, IN ugly shoos. its not respektubel to doo that. Prety, prety, yoo are bewtiful pleeze, with dubel dipped chocolut or karmel or anything yoo want on top? Yoo dont understand. I need the shoos. nedd them need them need them. it is not a want. I cannot live without them.

Please david, I am yerning.

MMH

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I can’t wait until tomorrow…

This was getting fun! I couldn’t wait for David to respond. Would he be offended, or, would he turn it up a notch?

Much to my delight, he did the latter…

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PCSDavid wrote::

 Oh such good questions!

Let’s see… on the anti-wrinkle thing, I’d have to ask the photographer on that one.  But I imagine excellent use of lighting or maybe photoshop?  As you can see, they have completely masked the scar on my chin that I received during a tragic whip mishap… it was my first time and all… hey, it was either that or be eaten alive by the lion on the circus train!  Still, I’m self conscious about it though. You may be right about Atlanta.  Every experience I’ve had there or with people from there has been great… err… until now of course.  So I take your point.  Maybe things have gone down hill.Oh the close!  You are right again!  Damn you’re smart.  I should have gone for the close on the email.  I’m always messing that up!  Okay okay… (clears throat) Let me try again…

Lucky girl.. Atlantais a GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT town!  I love it, you love it… everyone loves it!  There’s only one left in stock, and boy are a lot of people eying it today.  Hell it’s only pennies a day!  You can afford a penny can’t you?  Sure you can.  Now just think about what all your friends will think when you come home with this great town.. eh?   Yeah, you know what I mean. Right right?  I shouldn’t be telling you this, but my manager is in a unusually good mood today, I think he’s wanting to do this deal. Sooooo what’s it going to take to get you to sign on the dotted line today? Have a happy little rascally day!– David

Pertaining to your animal collection, you mentioned that you have “paired down”.

Does that mean you have just one animal, thus the pair is you and that animal? Or, does it mean you have a pair of animals, i.e. two of the furry or not so furry creatures? Or, did you perhaps mean you “pared” down, bringing the total volume to a lower level? And are these realy animals, or stuffed animals? Or are they stuffed, REAL animals.

Not that there is any significance to these question. It is just that when you give a person a compliment (“What great questions”…which I interpreted as “what a smart girl you are…) it encourages her to perform at even higher levels…thus, is seeking to find a way to ask even greater questions… and appear even smarter

Secondly, regarding this comment…”I still seek the to completely connect with someone for the ever-after with which to share it.” Confusion about the content aside, does an agnostic/atheist even believe in the ever-after?

And finally, for this email anyway, I have a question pertaining to this paragraph:

” I love to spoil the one I’m with, I get a thrill form that. But I also want them to be spoiled right; which means not just throwing away money willy nilly (no one can sustain that for long). It means thinking about what’s really important and getting the most out the resources at our disposal. After all, anyone foolish with money isn’t going to have it for long….. what good does that do anyone? “

Here is my question:

Does that mean if I found a really beautiful pair of shoes at Goodwill that I was just yearning to slip over my tootsies, would you maybe, perhaps, pretty, pretty, please…with sugar and spice on top, perhaps, maybe, after you think about it for a while, perhaps buy them for me? They’re only $4.95. I could wear them for a while, then donate them back to Goodwill later. You take the charitable contribution deduction of aprox $5.00, and if you were in a 30% tax bracket, the bottom line price of that purchase would be approximately $3.50.

Is that what you mean when you say “I want them to be spoiled right”?  And if so, would you consider spoiling me right?

 If the answer is yes there is a black pair (pare?) of mules with pointy toes and spiky heels in a 6 1/2 down at the Goodwill on Mansell and Alpharetta highway that I have placed on layaway, with the hope of finding a sugar daddy to spoil me right.

On second thought, maybe I should pair down my shoe collection.

Or is it pare?

Gosh, I am so confused!

I AM having a wascally day! Are you?

Michelle

P.S. Sorry to hear about your whip accident. I hope no animals were hurt in the  process.

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 I couldn’t wait to read his repsonse. But David was going to make me wait until another day..

And, did they! Something like 250 in the first day! I was in chocolate cherry heaven! Eager to dig in, I opened the first letter:

PCSDavid wrote:

Lucky girl… I love Atlanta… great town. – David
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And that was it! THAT was it? WHO would write a letter like this? I was expecting something a bit more…I don’t know…intoxicating? At least, something about my hair, or my eyes…SOMETHING! What’s next? The weather?

I clicked on the link to read his profile.

He was cute, in a young Tom Hanks with an Indiana Jones hat kind of way. He looked…young. I glanced at his age and laughed. He was 30; I, 42…

 I read his profile. A few things caught my eye. He mentioned he was an atheist/agnostic, was pairing down his animal collection, and was “driven”. He also had quite a lot to say about the proper way to spoil a woman.

 And so, I hit the reply button and began:

Dear Indiana Jones,

3 questions:

1)Your skin is flawless. What amazing anti-wrinkle cream do you manufacture and sell?

2)Why in the world would you think Atlanta is a great town, when stacked against all of the other great towns in the world. Wouldn’t Atlanta be “good’ against that competition?

3)Why would a self-described “driven” someone waste time on a couple of fly by e-mails, without going in for the close?!

Michelle

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And, with that letter, our banter flowed… 

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NOW!

I mean…did you see the one with the CHERRY ON TOP?!

I pulled out my credit card.

“Done!” I sighed with the click of the “sign up now” button.

All ready!

“Uuh…uh…uh…Not so fast! You’ve got to write a profile first” Match explained.

“Uggghhh!” I thought. But Match wouldn’t budge. If I wanted to taste the chocolate, I had to sing for my supper. So having no choice, I began to type.  Here is what I wrote:

Look For Me In the Lost and Found

About Me and What I Want

 I’m laughing! How does a woman who doesn’t fuss about manipulating an impression essay “What I want others to know about me?!”

Hmm…Let’s see…

OK…For starters, my “look” could throw you off. You might think “Wow, she’s got her act together. Then, you will scratch your head and wonder, “why is she on the top of the house replacing those shingles in her pumps?” Or say, “Honey…an oil change is $49.95. Get out from under the car! You’re going to ruin your gown!”

I’m an easy-going fireball, am dumb like Columbo, am a natural, disarming, funny, down-to-earth, analytical goof-ball, am open-minded and ridiculously honest.

I grew up on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, in teeny-tiny house, in a family of twelve, so I’m a self-sufficient country kid at heart. But I’ve been to 49 states, lived in 7, been to maybe 20 countries, lived in 3, and have driven Pick-ups to Porsches along the way… am kind of a white collar, blue collar, pink collar, no collar, classy, down-to-earth. sophisticate, I guess.

I am the happiest person I know, who’ll cry big alligator tears at the thought of someone in pain…

I live a non-judgmental, “live and let live” life, but look out if you try to tell me what to do! I will taunt you with the opposite!

I’m a quick-witted encyclopedia combined with a happy, laughing, friendly, make-up-my-own-words to-whatever-song-I’m-singing, while doing a crazy belly-dancing, cha-cha-cha dance. Ever seen that mix before?! Yeah…it’s as ridiculous looking as it sounds. But, look at the bright side. You’ll constantly be laughing!

At a party, I’ll be upstairs with the kids talking world politics over a good game of Barbie rescues GI Joe…well, not “rescues”, exactly… More like “empowers”. I mean nothing like “teaching a man to fish” so to speak, with a bit of Nelson Mandela, Dalai Lama, and Mother Theresa thrown in! Right?

Bottom line? You’ll probably like me. Really! You will! Then, you’ll be torn between being crazy about me and being driven crazy by me. Uggh! Scary thought, huh?

My ideal match? Let’s see… a cosmopolitan, grounded, big-thinking, down-to-earth, worldly, off-the-charts accomplished, polished, guys-guys…who is good-natured, kind-hearted, kinda tamed down, easy-going, driven, creative, focused, sapient, enlightened, entrepreneurial, philanthro-capitalistic, logical, creative, non-judgmental, self-assured, and HUMBLE…

…who lives and breathes the boy scout creed, has a fabulous, charismatic flirt-onality, a depth of emotional and spiritual beingness, with a compassionate, humble, down-to-earthly sophisti-classy, gentle sage-like soul…w/ a wide smile and a big, easy laugh…

And then…
who thrives and delights in being just about anywhere…
Riding a mule thru a 3rd world country… Zip-lining through an Equadorian jungle…breaking bread w/ the Sudanese on x-mas Eve…holding his own at a White House dinner… Who’d chuckle when I’d call on my way to our anniversary dinner with a “Honey…I met the nicest people under the bridge. and I really want you to meet them…Do you mind of they join us?”… Who’d be just as happy building a company with me as playing golf. OK, maybe not JUST as happy, but could be talked into helping me out of my occasional pickle without too much stomping…

And finally…

who’d wipe away my tears, and chuckle at my tenderness, belly-laugh at my goofiness yet honor my depth…Who’d let me sit in his lap, muss up his hair, and kiss his face all over…be big in the world, yet slip into my soul when we’d reconnect, then sweep me in his arms and flirt right back when I’d say he was the handsomest, sexiest man on earth.

Is that too much to ask?

“Oh, I’m really not that hungy…”

 ”And besides, I’m on diet. And, well,  chocolate is the LAST thing I need!” I explained.

“It’s OK to look! he exclaimed, waving me in.

“OK…but I’m not actually going to buy anything! I’m JUST going to look!” I replied with conviction.

First I saw the chocolate…

I glanced at the truffles…

Moved my way towards the chocolate turtles…

STARED at the strawberry dipped in the chocolate, smothered with  caramel, rolled in pecans, slathered  with whipped cream.

Oh, and did I mention there was a cherry on top?

Yup…

A cherry on top!

And THAT reminds me of  how I got started on Match.

They lure you in with “It’s OK to look”, knowing FULL WELL you’re not going to be able to resist the chocolate.  And then, they’ve got ya! You’re diet is over… the willpower is gone.

And so…

And, then, I was single.

THIS is my story…